Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
