Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
