he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
