Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
