there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
