i think my mom watched the whole time
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
