I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
