You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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