Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
