I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
