stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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