in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
