he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
