a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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