Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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