Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
