i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
