Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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