Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
