I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
