we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
