Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
