Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
