either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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