My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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