How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
