We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
