Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
