hell yes lets make some ravioli
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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