well I can't set my house on fire every night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
