Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
