he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
