The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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