She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
honey bunches of taint.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
