yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
