that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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