Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
