Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
