i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This baby is an asshole
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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