OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
