In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
