Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
