I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
this is an emotional support booty call
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
