pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am midnight drunk by noon
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
