i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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