Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
