But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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