The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
