There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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