It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
