he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
