I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
