We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize