i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize