Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Randomize
