I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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