tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
