I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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