i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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