i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
