I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
