tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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