If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
