She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
