Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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