My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
