Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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